Two boys still need their Mom

by Jen McIntosh

I miss him so much

my heart is broken

my soul feels empty

Two boys still need their Mom 

But, it used to be three.

Now, bedtime is quick

It feels too easy

No more monitors beeping

No sounds to hear

Check your watch, don’t be late

medicine, feeds, medicine, feeds

Do not wonder your gaze away

Seizure, seizure, seizure 

Sleepless nights and long days

Feels like I’ve been left a stray 

Our trip to Holland is over now

My tour guide has laid to rest

No tulips or windmills to see

No more epilepsy 

His wheelchair has been staring at me

Where is my identity?

I miss my son

He just turned 6

He’s gone too soon

Oh hey, look, another full Moon

No seizures tonight

He’s running free, always resting peacefully

No more pain, no more SATs to track

But, these boys still need their Mom 

No oxygen, suction, medication to pack

Out the door at the drop of a hat

A whole new pace

It feels too easy

But, I don’t feel whole 

Jacks not here

He was the lighthouse during the storm 

Our home is icy

Our hearts feels cold 

Will this be our new norm?

How do you explain heaven to a four year old?

He lost his best friend 

This feels like too much to bear 

It’s so quiet

Will my tears ever mend?

This does not feel real

Can’t go in his room

Medical equipment in every place

No monitors beeping 

No sounds to hear 

Every corner, another memory 

But, two boys still need their Mom

How do I break without a shatter?

What I’d give for one more hug

Beautiful blue eyes looking at me

As I bend my knee and pray 

PTSD, please leave me be

Two boys still need their Mom

Please, Lord, please protect me 

I miss him so much 

My heart is broken

My soul feels empty

I will stay strong

I will keep my faith

Because two boys still need their mom 

Written by: Jennifer McIntosh